Recovering!

Ok... like i promised.... No more cranky posts! I felt much better now that all the test and reports were over. I did my report till 3.10 and slept at 3.30am yesterday. My dad had to kick me out of bed and i came to sch with black rings. I dozed off quite often during lessons like Mr Quek writing sum eqn on the board all round me turned black. When woke up, he juz finished his eqn.... I am really super tired since i have been sleeping at 2+ or 3am thoe whole week...

I wanna thank most of my frens for encouraging me (I cant name u all..... too many). I know that my previous posts may have been quite 'EMO' or very unlike the real me i behave outsidely. Sorry becuz i was just showing the inside me when im subjected to stress and pressure which causes me to break (MIP). I am not usually like this but its just that i felt a huge difference in the life i had in SQSS and the ones i had in SP. I have not felt like this before so pls forgive me since im quite new to this feeling. I promise to try and make this a happy blog!

Ok... so basically thats bout it. When i remember Wei Mings reply to the APC teacher, i keep laughing like siao. Heres the scenario:

*Siong, Jk, Ming and Kl walk inside the lecture area*

APC teacher: "All those late comers go and sit in front NOW!"

Wei Ming: "What a 'lum pa' man!!!! (Means a**h*le and was said extremely loud)


*All around him laugh like siao!!!!!*



Uh oh!!! my blog has been found!!!!

Stressed

Ok.... my APC test is a goner seriously. I got careless on last qns, lose 6 marks. 2nd last question i didnt finish, 1 mcq i drew lots. Im not saying this like wad sum1 will say juz to make others think they wont do well...... but this time i really feel juz like what my title says. STRESSED!!!!! I really cant take it anymore... CRS project is pushing me, tests pushing me, 2 formal reports pushing me and i juz cant keep up with my work no matter how much effort i put in. I spent alot of effort in APC but yet i didnt have time to finish. Worst still i had a horrible headache during the test and couldn't think. I tried praying before doing the test so i hope a miracle can happen. I think sum1 who reads this is gonna be quite happy that i wont do well. I really just wanna spend 1 day not doing a single thing.

Another thing i wanna mention. I DO NOT LIKE VENTING ANGER BOUT PPL ON MY BLOG!!!!! IT DIRTIES MY BLOG TO NO END!!!!! what im doing is just expressing my true thoughts. I've started to lose my patience easily over small things and get quite angry even if its for something small. Can u pls understand????? Tests have already ruined my mood so please do not try to agitate me further with your marks and tests esp when they are higher than me cuz i might really not contain myself!!!! Also pride here has got 1 which i hate and i which i like but u exhibit 1 that i hate! If u think this is backstabbing let me tell u its definition.

Backstabbing: To talk behind someone's back without their knowledge or to spread about their bad points to others. Defaming someone due to their character.

Personal pride: To be proud that you have done well or beyond YOUR expectations. Especially when you have touched or exceeded your own expectations. This kind of pride is personal goal based and the kind that i like. Not exacly meant for others to know.

Arrogance pride: This is the pride I hate the most!!!! When you have done well and exceeded yours or other people's expectations especially if you compare your marks and find out you are the best. Example: " Wa lao 40+/50 seh!!!! not as good as some others in the class!!!!" esp when the person next to you got 30/50. Self induced act of humbleness led from personal pride when you COMPARE your marks with others annoys me to no end.

To my dear classmates and friends. Please forgive me if you see me in an angry and unhappy state or i start losing my temper. I've been tremendously stressed out and i seek your understanding. To my group mates or project partners. Kindly do not rush me for work as I always do my part properly and wont miss out anything if you give me time cuz if u rush me, i may not only lose my temper which affects friendrelationship but i will also produce nonsense work for you all. Even if i do not show my anger, it doesnt mean im happy.

I'll try to let this be the last time i do an anger post. I do not always want to be unhappy or make this an unhappy blog.

Very Horrible Mood.....

Ok... i have been very busy for the past few weeks. I havent got time to blog anything especially since i forgotten to do my report due today and have to chiong like crazy. TEsts coming up and i juz wanna fail them.

Juz as my title says. I was in an extremely horrible mood today so much so that i wanted to punch sum1 on the face. Firstly, my CPPA results, they suxed like hell. I saw that im the last in class... i realli have got anothing to say. I pay attention in class, study like crazy just to be the last in class. I starting losing hope in my results cuz im like giving my all to study and nothing comes out from hardwork. I wonder who created that saying that hardwork brings forth fruit. Its utterly nonsense. That wasnt what actually spoiled my day totally. I would like to thank Farhan and Ryan who really cheered me up a little with their bits of nonsense that made me laugh or at least made me feel much better.

To the 2 ppl who spoiled my day:

A fren is 1 that encourages u in times of trouble and not ruin ppls day. UNDERSTAND???? I really do not like backstabbing ppl but what im doing today is not speaking bout ur bad points to any1 behind ur back juz like what some jerk did to me but im telling u that u behaved like a total jerk today. U made me wanna whack u on the face. U are like indirectly looking down on me and comparing ur results with me. I know im not as clever as u but at least i know i work hard. U are like trying to act humble by saying ur high score is lousy compared to others. WHAT BOUT ME?????? U ARE MAKING ME FEEL DAM WORSE BY SAYING THOSE SHET!!! U went around telling others of my results to hell knows who....... I really hate to say this but i lost total trust in u all of a sudden! Laughing at me with scorn in ur heart indirectly even if u didnt mean to do it. Majority of my day was spoilt by u. U tried to cheer me up even when u know u spoiled my day but let me tell u its no use. Please stop trying to make ppl dislike u with the way u behave. I really hope u stop behaving like this again cuz it pisses ppl off.

To the other who spoiled my day: I really have got nothing to say bout u. I have not mentioned a single word bout u backstabbing me ages ago. Even if i talked to u it doesnt mean that i do not know bout it or have forgiven u. Just as u claimed u do not trust me, same goes for me. U also tried to cheer me today but let me tell u this, i know what u are thinking. You are just looking down on me just like u did to the others. Just like i have said i dont trust u so i would rather u stop acting like u know me well. Maybe you think im am coolheaded and wont blow my top easily but juz to let u know my temper almost exceeded its limit until u went away. U even kept saying today ur results are not as good compared to someone. WILL U PLS STOP COMPARING RESULTS????? U HAVE ALREADY PISSED OTHERS OFF THEIR HEADS LONG AGO WITH WHAT U SAID.

Thursday 22 November 2007

Ok...CEM is over!!!!!! Im so glad i dun feel like touching it for the next month or so....Sorry for my previous post bout Ryan.... im editing it now.....hahahaha... (I didnt understand what it was until u guys told me)....... Though CEM is over, im still quite busy for next week and next next week. I juz have a very horrible headache from sitting under the sun while eating. I also tried to do something which every1 found me stupid by trying to take Farhan's $1 under the whole bunch of planks with a pair of chopsticks. Im gonna try do blog editing but yet im too lazy to learn. At least i have a gd fren like Wee Siong agree to help me. Anyway, thats bout my week. Apart from that our new CRS teacher came to class, she doesnt seem to be fierce but i got a feeling that class may bully her as time passes. Yup ok... thats all bout sch this week. Chester's Birthday gift.... havent thought of 1 yet. 26 Nov hope he stands on a chair and sings his own B'day song.



Forgive me if you find me too offensive if u read whats below and pls tell me if I did anything wrong. This is written due to seriousness on my part. Sorry to show my serious side since i rarely am like that. But if you think its directed at you u r actually dead wrong!

Theres juz something that i observe and wanna mention since months ago till now. I was kinda hesitant to do so but i dun wan any misunderstandings between me and any1 but i juz wanna say this not becuz i have a grudge against any1 or anything. Its juz that i truly feel that if this goes on, we'll be destroying ourselves eventually. I juz felt that we are all starting to change more towards one another. I must admit that im guilty of this. Trust, respect, friendship bonds and loyalty. That which we need a real long time to build and maintain can be destroyed within seconds. You juz have to agree with me on this. I juz noticed that this will lead not juz u but me to destruction. By the end, we find that we are all going solo. Probably few of u realised this but this feeling of distrust is spreading in ourselves like poison and we are not even aware we are dying and by the time it is too late to regret. I muz repeat that the reason im writing this isnt becuz i am against any1 but its becuz i really dun want to lose trust and friendship with me. Im really afraid that will happen and its even worse if it becomes numb.

I once had this kind of feeling towards some1 b4...... but the end of 4 years i find that the poison of distrust had crept inside me and eaten me. It caused me to feel as if the person never existed b4! Even when he talked i felt nothing, no feelings of hatred nor friendship. Thats the worst kind of feeling ever happened to me. This year, i am really fearful that history will repeat itself. As much as possible though it will be hard, i wanna forgive and apologize to those who backstabbed me even if i did say wrong things about them or my character as hurt them such. Therefore, I hope u will likewise do the same to not only me but to others. I hope we can all be united as friends.

Ok... heres how i think im spending my day. Studying Cal 2 and not understanding anything so its as good as not studying at all. Quite stressful week ahead. Ryan didnt (GO) sch for quite a few days and almost our whole class miss his nonsense. Kinda quieter without him during those days.

Revival of this blog takes a month... gotta relink every1 again. Im too lazy to change my settings. To those who read this pls support my blog!!! ty.

Saturday 16 Nov 2007 01:57

OK... i kinda lost for words. i really dont know how to continue blogging but i know for 1 year if i dont do it, i might burst and start doing crazy things. I got a long story to tell but anyway, heres my week:

1) Busy for tests, studying of cuz
2) Got 2 formal reports
3) Start tutorials
4) Learning to play dota
5) waiting for manga to come out.

Basically thats the nonsense. MIP i muz say i shouldnt have study too hard cuz i'll go crazy. Whole class cheated anyway.... My interview for mentoring club is hopeless case. I attitude that guy and he keep asking me cool down and so there goes another CCA.... And so im having a busy weekend.

Basically i have been wondering whether i should blog it out here anot. Anyway, Sharad has been telling me things that i ought to be doing now that backstabbing has occured. Hes really a gr8 guy to ask for advice. Now that i think of it, THAT may occur 1 day. 30% chance since im only first yr. 2 more yrs to go. I wont give the scenerio today but i'll juz tell what Sharad told me and i wont forget.

There are 3 ways to play chess. First is to charge ur troops without thinking. Second is to wait for the opponent to make his move then only u start thinking and then moving. Third (obviously the best way to play chess!) is to plan what ur oppponent is gonna do and predict moves b4 they act. And im only thinking this situation at level 1. I basically cant go to level 3 becuz i cant be that much of an a**h*le but its better safe than sorry. (Dont worry if you dont understand what im saying becuz u soon will 1 day.)

Im too lazy to blog!!!!! Gotta take sum time to revive this blog again...... Looking back, i really miss SQSS.

A whole new year (resurrection)

Ok... after a whole dam long year + 1 month, i have juz decided to retype my blog stuff again. Though i may be sick of it again, well i juz do what I like, look back at what i did, and think im stupid again.

For starts, i went to JJC during first 3 months, or rather 2. Quit halfway by juz walking out. It didnt and i repeat, didnt!!! leave much of an impact on me. Life there seriously... oops there is no life there or rather not much. Joined band and when i found i was the only guy in my section, i didnt attend anymore. Juz to remember frens in JJC who leaved much of an impact on me i'll juz mention bout 10 names regardless of whether they remember me or not. Melvin, Liang yu, Jason, Bing Xiang, Thomas, Rebekah, Hui hui. I think thats bout it. Anyway, i had 1 heck of a tough time reconsidering to remain or go Poly. My final choice was SP. i really didnt like life in JJC. its too typical school based.

Ok.... choosing poly was my option. I kinda left JJC a little happy but sad. cuz 1 of my JJC fren called me a f***er for leaving. Oh well... i really dun have much to say but i muz say i really enjoyed spending time with u guys and thats all i liked in JJC.

1st phase of my poly life was tough. I hated flag day!!!! Me, Selvan, Spencer, and an ITE grad in spencer's class whos name i forgotten, wandered around. I seriously hated begging. i got glared at and scolded and gave up after that. I rather do sum odd jobs and be given donation rather than anything like this. Guess how much i collected in the end???? only $4+. Lets not care bout that now. Poly life is actually much better than JC life in terms of social life. Making frens is much easier, either that or i've changed. Academically, it sure is tough. Don't ever think poly is easier than JC. Academically, Poly is much worse. 1st semester, i mugged hard to be 1 of the last in class. Maybe i'll be top in other classes..... anyway, I'm juz starting to study again... will i make it to U????? thats for God to decide. Not trying to be proud here but juz wanna achieve my goals. Second semester, i've become more open to my other classmates and life is kinda more colourful than before. I also started seeing sum of their true colours, sum positive and negative. I have gotten to know who ur true frens really are when u are down. Those whom i didnt really talk to i've started to become closer to them.

Another thing i've started to wanna talk bout but i wont do it today cuz i havent got much time.Topic: Backstabbing. i'll leave that for another day.

I think i made much better frens in poly especially in my class. As usual, 1 thing that hasnt changed much bout me is that im shy and blur.

Ok... i'll pass for today. im kinda busy studying for test and im sick. Heard that Ryan is in serious medical condition so hope he gets well. Cya tmr bloggy.